How to offer meaningful support to grieving employees

As National Grief Awareness Week approaches, Faith Holloway of Hospice UK, the compassionate employers programme leader, examines what employers can do to help grieving employees.

National Grief Awareness Week takes place this year from 2-8 December. Now is the time for employers and team leaders to go beyond just acknowledging grief. They can take concrete steps to help grieving employees year-round.

The impact of unresolved grief on the workplace is not limited to individuals. It can affect productivity, increase absences, and lead to higher turnover. According to research by Hospice UK, 77% of employees between 18 and 34 would leave their jobs if they did not feel supported after a loss.

Many employees are under pressure to return to the workplace before they’re prepared, and often without adequate support. Only 17% of managers feel very confident about supporting grieving co-workers, indicating a gap in our approach.

This week, I urge employers to focus their attention on three key areas in order to close the gap and improve their grief support approach throughout the year:

Policy

It’s a shame that so many organisations don’t have a bereavement policy. This is essentially wasting an opportunity to showcase your brand and values.

Even if you have one, it makes you stand out. It can make a big difference to go above and beyond with your policy.

These are the best practices of our members who have compassion for their employees:

• Pre-bereavement leaves are available for people who care for or say goodbye to a dying loved one.
  
  All employees should receive at least 10 days paid leave. This will ensure that everyone is treated equally. This will avoid the “manager lottery” where some employees receive more leave because their manager has more compassion.
• Employees can choose to take leave at a time that suits them best. They can spread out their leave over the year, or only use it for a few hours rather than ten full days. This flexibility can be particularly useful when handling initial “grief administration” or reflecting on future anniversaries.
• Extra leave is available for certain situations such as traveling abroad, following religious practices or employees experiencing a difficult time dealing with their grief.
• A day’s paid leave is available for pet loss.
• Use broad terms such as “important person” and “loved ones” in place of outdated family restrictions. This is a more inclusive approach, as employees can avoid having to justify the importance of their relationships.
• A list of adjustments to the workplace that empowers workers to ask for support upon their return.
• Involve colleagues who are passionate about supporting bereaved people in the final evaluation to enhance the policy.

Next Steps Review and update your policies on leave in accordance with best practices.

What to say and what not to say

Communication about bereavement may go wrong if you don’t have the right guidance.

Many managers and colleagues are unsure of what to say to their grieving co-worker. It may be that they are unsure how to check-in or stare blankly at the condolence cards, not knowing what to say.

I’ve heard about multiple cases in which personal information is shared without the grieving individual’s consent. This often happens due to a failure to communicate or to check with the person before hand. It’s easily avoidable, but can erode the trust of a team.

The goal of a lot of people is to offer comfort and acknowledge the grief that a person has experienced. Bereaved people need validation from their colleagues and assurance that they are not alone.

Try simple phrases instead of cliches and silver linings. “I’m sorry that happened to you,” “it isn’t fair,” or “it is okay to be angry or numb”. These words will validate their feelings and let them know they are not alone.

Next Steps Organisations need to train their managers in how to deal with grief appropriately and to ensure clear, respectful communication across all managers. It is important to check in with bereaved employees to see what they are comfortable sharing and how colleagues should approach them when they return to work.

Reintegration into work with compassion

A common misconception is that an employee’s return to work will automatically restore them back to their normal self. The demands of work and deadlines may quickly mount, leaving the grieving worker feeling overwhelmed. All the initial progress in helping grieving employees can be undone without a thoughtful plan for returning to work.

Here are a few more best practices for a smoother move:

• Starting back on a Tuesday can help ease the transition, allowing for a more gradual return to the workplace.
• To reduce any anxiety, offer them a cup of coffee or arrange a virtual chat prior to meetings.
• Keep their first day of light and leave room in your calendar for them in case you need to.
• Open the dialog about what adjustments you could make to their workplace that would help them adjust and give examples, such as temporary remote work or more frequent breaks.
• Make sure that they can take a call or have a short break in a quiet, private area.
• Before they return, discuss any concerns or awkwardness that may have arisen with colleagues openly. Give examples of what you can say and specify how your colleague would like to be approached.
• Understand that grief can return unexpectedly, so flexibility and patience are essential.
• Use phrases such as “you are doing a great job” or “it is okay to not be working at your full capacity”. These small reassurances will help to ease stress and guilt.

Next Steps Organisations should review the current return-to work guidance they provide to employees and managers. They should develop a guide that details best practices for ensuring adequate support.

Employers can show a real commitment to their employees by improving the support they provide in these key areas during National Grief Awareness Week.

It’s not just about raising temporary awareness; it’s also about taking actions that make grieving employees feel cared for and valued.

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